The WEDDING!

Joshua singing to his bride...

Warning: long blog ahead!

Whew.... I sit here typing and desperately needing a cup of coffee because I am still so tired. But I will try to gather my thoughts enough to somehow share my thoughts on "The Wedding". Okay, I convinced Hannah to make me a cup so I'm good... I have great kids.... sniff, sniff...

Weddings-some may ask... What's the big deal? Why spend so much time and money and ask for prayer for a ceremony that will last at the most, one hour? I suppose some are definitely overdone... but weddings ARE significant. The one I had the privilege of being heavily involved in this weekend was VERY significant. It is a milestone in the lives of the Johnson and Ortego families. Up there in importance with births and deaths. If you've ever studied covenant, you will see how alot of today's wedding traditions stem from the ancient covenant practices of the Bible. When someone "cut a covenant" with another, they became as one... I will protect you, you will protect me. They often exchanged a gift- a ring, a sword. They often took on each other's names. They became responsible for the other party. A drink from the same cup, a bite of the same food was shared... Covenant. It's what God cut with us beginning with Abraham and completed through the death of His Son on the cross. Except He alone can keep up His end of the bargain perfectly. His life for ours. And our lives belong to Him. He is responsible for us. He is faithful and trustworthy. And He has taught me this through this wedding process... Covenant has become real. Covenant is very significant, even today. And that is what I participated in this past weekend. The public celebration and authentification of a covenant made between a man and a woman- my precious daughter. Two lives becoming one, pledged to each other until death. I was so blessed to be intimately involved in every detail of this covenant celebration (although at times, I thought I might come out of this with a nervous tick as a souvenir...)

Anyway, until I became the "mother of the bride", I was fairly ignorant to the whole wedding process... Back last summer when they first got engaged, I was thinking, 'what's the big deal? We can pull this off without breaking a sweat'. Its amazing how easy things look in the dim future... As the future became the present, panic began to set in. So many details.... Details upon details. Details I never thought of before. Lists became my constant companion. I carried them everywhere. I say 'them', because I had many... Hannah's old math notebook contained most of them. Lists on receipts, Lists on lists.... Details woke me up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat.... "Oh what if I hadn't thought of that! What could have happened?" (As if my future grandchildren would be in jeopardy if we forgot serving spoons or ice!) This has been my life for the last several months, but in concentrated doses the last few weeks. We honestly could have never pulled this off without Beverly Ortego, Josh's mom. Poor thing. Usually the mother of the groom gets a bit of a break... Yes, there's the rehearsal dinner, but other than that, she could have technically, ethically, morally sat back and watched me chase my tail with a clear conscience... But no, she jumped in there with me and many times bailed me out. I owe her a lot... If you ever need a kidney or anything Bev, I'm your man! (although I'm a woman... but you catch my drift). With her experience in wedding planning, I was in good hands.

I made some discoveries through this wedding journey... I realized that I am extremely detail oriented. That may be obvious to those who know me, but I guess it wasn't to me. The details nearly were the death of me,. But the details got covered (although often occuring to me at 2 am), they got written down on one of my infernal lists and in the end, they got checked off! (Which is the most satisfying feeling for a OCD like myself).... I discovered that my daughter is very decisive and a confident leader. She knows what she wants and she has her Dad's (cough) stubbornness to not budge on her stand. It was exasperating at times, but in the end, she planned the most beautiful wedding any of us could have forseen. She never waffled on decisions but was confident and sure. I came to admire her strength and to not see her just as my little girl, but as a young woman who is a true leader... I discovered the generosity of the Body of Christ. I can not tell you how many people were involved helping with this wedding. People who didn't know us that well, but who said- I'll just take care of that, don't worry about it. People prepared food, served it, cleaned up. Wow... I discovered the type of friends we have. The Cutrones missed the wedding because they were seeing to it that the Coleman's had all of the help they needed for the reception. The Doucets and Will stayed after everyone had left to help with clean up and delivery back to the church. Stacey and Kirk drove all of the way from Kansas City to be there to help. My oldest friend Carole drove four hours by herself and her two girls to make sure she was there for me. Nicole Brown giving of her time to keep us organized. Scott and Russell straightening up the sanctuary the next morning. Margie getting me a pedicure the week before :^). As Proverbs says- "Many hands make light work". Too many servants to mention here, and I thank them all! I cannot tell you how much that meant to us. People prayed for us. They took this wedding on as their personal prayer project and prayed us through it. My sister and Mom certainly did that. I am in awe of God's grace and mercy and love delivered through human hands. I will be forever grateful..

Now all of these months of planning were leading up to this one moment. The week before I was nervous and busy. I knew that this was Haley's dream. To marry the man of her dreams in a meaningful, God-glorifying, beautiful ceremony with a fun reception. My mother's heart wanted it to be just like that for her. So I started my prayer list early on- My prayers went something like this: "Lord, let the ceremony be special, meaningful, may it be anointed. May You be glorified. May people be touched. Let Haley forever remember it. Let it be beautiful Lord and really represent them and who they are. Cushion mine and Keith's emotions Lord and help us to hold it together and somehow enjoy and cherish the ceremony. Lord, let Kent please wear a suit... (does Kent Henry, Mr. Aloha Shirt, even own one Lord?) Please let the ceremony flow with no problems. Let the reception be fun and let us have enough food! " I guess I made God a list too... He didn't seem to mind. Because He answered every single concern I had (even Kent-who married them- in a suit!). He answered well beyond our imaginations. Again- God teaching us about His covenant faithfulness to us and convicting us of our unbelief , all the while building faith in us...

After the craziness of the week before, we woke up Saturday to a tangible peace. We were being prayed for! Most of the bridesmaids and I got our hair fixed at the beauty shop that morning. We laughed and talked. It was a good way to kill time instead of nervously waiting... When we got to the church, the AC upstairs was not working well. I felt like my makeup was running down my face, but Haley was radiant. We had a small panic when Hannah's dress which had gotten wrinkled in the car would not iron out or steam out. Nothing worked. It just stubbornly resisted all of our attempts. I prayed and finally calmed down... the wrinkles never fell out while we were upstairs, but when she was standing there with the other bridesmaids at the altar, I noticed- no wrinkles. God is good! He really takes care of the details. Another lesson in not panicking but trusting!

I had been concerned because some people didn't get their invitations and others were on vacation... I thought- "poor Haley. Our church is pretty big and I was concerned that it would look empty since (I thought) not may people were going to be there. I didn't want Haley to be discouraged as she walked down the aisle. HA! I think every single person who was invited who lived in the Baton Rouge area (except for a few) were there (and many who weren't showed up!). I was shocked! The middle three rows of the church were completely filled. Another unfounded worry.... Another conviction of -"when will you trust? Haven't I proved faithful in every thing up till now?"

All too soon it was time to come downstairs to begin the ceremony. The time arrived when Josh, his best man Devon, and Kent to go to the front... But ... where was Kent? We looked and looked... Still don't know where he was, but finally, he just appeared. Thank God! Then the ceremony began...The grandparents went down first... I was so proud of our parents. They were all so so excited... they also were pretty good looking to be the grandparents of the bride and groom! I was thrilled for them to meet our friends and church family. They felt very much at home. Then it was my turn. Keith escorted me to the unity candle. And I couldn't work the lighter. Keith' was whispering- "Push that button there... No, push it the other way! NOW pull the trigger. Goood".

Right before Keith escorted me down, he said, "pray for me. I'm feeling very emotional". I said, "Lets try real hard to keep it together for her sake. She might get upset if we're crying". Somehow, we did.

First my Hannah and Joseph walked the aisle. They were precious. I was so proud of them. All grown up. Hannah with her hair fixed and Joseph in his tux. Then the rest of the wedding party... They all looked wonderful. Then it was time- I was to cue the congregation when to stand by standing first. They closed the doors after the last bridesmaid went down. I held my breath and waited a moment and then I stood... so did everyone else..........And there she was. My beautiful daughter. I wish I could have looked two places at once because I desperately wanted to see Josh's face when he first saw her... But I had to look at my baby girl. Her daddy was fighting to hold it together. She was magnificent. Poised, beautiful, full of joy! I finally looked at Josh. He was grinning from ear to ear!

Kent gave a prophetic word about the ministry they'd be going into. Mary and Max sang and the anointing was strong. The father's spoke a blessing over them. Josh sang a song he'd written for Haley... I don't think there was a dry eye in the place. They said their vows and Haley's little voice put a lump in our throats... but we maintained. They went to the Lord's table together and had communion, signifying in a tangible way, the covenant they were making. The part I was the most concerned about losing it was the video that I knew would be played, with pictures of them growing up, during which my son Max was to sing an anointed song about the love of God. I mean- how could we NOT lose it? But miraculously, we did not. I just sat there and thought- "God, look what You've done!" Precious memories of our little girl, now another man's wife, flooded our minds. But gratitude and pure joy filled our hearts... Look how God answered! She was in God's will- what we'd always desired for her. Then they walked down the opposite aisle as man and wife to the song "Canon Rock".. As they descended the stairs, violins and an orchestra played sedately, only to slowly build and merge into a rocking electric guitar solo. A perfect song reflecting Haley and Josh. Wish I would have thought of something like that for our wedding 25 years ago! People's expressions were priceless! lol

The reception was PACKED! My first thought was faith-filled (not!)- "oh my gosh how will we feed all of these people?" But again, the Lord reminded me of His faithfulness throughout. So I let it go. And I believe they were all fed. We did run out of punch, but I hadn't had that on my prayer list. One detail I missed I guess... But I believe it was the most fun reception I'd ever been too. I wasn't able to visit with everyone there much to my regret because of the massive number of people. But it was a blast. I even hit the dance floor... something I said I wouldn't do... Aretha just drew me there like a magnet. Just could NOT' sit still for "R-E-S-P-E-C-T".... Haley said to me, "Whats the world coming to. My mom's in a conga line!" haha. It was a blast... Then it was over. They ran to the car under a cloud of bubbles and were gone...

Now the house is quiet, the busyness has ground to a screeching halt and life goes on... On without Haley's voice heard every day in our house. On with her place empty at the table. Her brothers and sister just sat in her room the other day and tried to soak up her presence somehow. We all miss her. I may fall apart when she leaves for St. Louis in three weeks, but for now, God's grace sustains me. I am just grateful. When your children are in God's will, even if it takes them far away, you can't be completely miserable. And He has shown Himself so faithful and true. It may seem like a silly little thing to some, but He knew how important this wedding being beautiful was to me. Because it was important to my Haley. He truly does care for the details...As concerned as I was for Haley, He was for us as well. That parent love- we both understand.... My faith has grown... and so has my heart. Thank you all for praying. Now as Kent charged us, let's pray for the marriage. They have a good foundation and heritage. God's hand is on them. I am excited to see what He will do in and through them. Just wish I didn't have to watch it from a distance... sniff... but it's going to be okay... I cannot tell you how many people who attended this wedding said that it was the absolute most God-honoring, beautiful wedding they'd ever attended. God is just so good isn't He?!

I'm sure I'm not done with this subject... but this is long enough as it is... More to come... Stay tuned if I haven't detailed you to death.. :^)

God bless,

Kayla

Praise God!

The wedding and reception were both perfect.... All of our prayers for it were answered- God was honored, the wedding was meaningful. God was there. The reception was fun. Haley was very satisfied by everything. She and Josh were happy... More on all of that later. But this morning, on The Advocate website I saw this headline below... This happened right down the street from The Woman's Club where the reception was held, probably 30 minutes after we, the last ones, left... So, 'fess up. Who did it! :^). Just kidding. But I must admit before I read the article and had only seen the headline that East Boulevard was involved, my first thought was- oh my goodness we burned the place down! Now, I know Keith and Jack's fancy footwork on the dancefloor was pretty hot, but come on....! :^) What do ya'll think? Maybe....
But all I can say is Thank God! They shut down Government Street during the fire. We'd probably have had to evacuate had it happened earlier in the evening. Wouldn't that have been awful?! I shudder to think! But God knew. He is good! He can be trusted! Wow! Praise God!



Fire destroys 2 buildings on Louisiana Ave.; damages 1 on East Blvd.
An off-duty East Baton Rouge Parish Sheriff’s deputy driving south in Interstate I-110 spotted the start of a large fire Saturday night that totaled two homes on Louisiana Avenue, damaged another and injured one firefighter who was treated at the scene.
The sheriff’s deputy pulled off the Interstate and called firefighters at 10:21 p.m. to notify them of the blaze, Baton Rouge Fire Department spokesman Howard Ward said.
Firefighters arrived at 980 Louisiana Ave. after the fire had already spread to two other buildings and was endangering another.
A second alarm was called and about 50 firefighters were eventually on scene to battle the blaze, Ward said.
It took about 80 minutes before the fire was completely under control.
Two vacant homes at 974 and 980 Louisiana Ave. were flattened by the fire and an office occupied by real estate appraisers next door at 301 East Blvd. was heavily damaged in the fire.
Government Street was briefly closed while firefighters kept a 5-foot-wide hose stretched across the street to provide water for dousing the flames.
Fire investigators were on the scene trying to determine the cause of the blaze, but Ward said it could take more than one day to do so while they try to determine where the fire originated and what caused it.
One firefighter was injured and treated on scene from exposure to electrical wires.

In the home stretch

Hey all,
Just a quick blog to ask for your prayers. As most of you know, Haley's wedding is in two days! We are all very excited and very busy. My heart is full and it is also heavy... This is a bittersweet time for us. Our first born is leaving the nest. Not only to just move out of our home, but to marry and move to St. Louis.... We know that this is God's will and plan for Haley and Josh and we rejoice with them. But please keep me and Keith and Haley's three siblings in prayer during this time. Also keep the Ortegos and their three other children in your prayers as well. Please pray that as we treasure each moment, that our sadness at the ending of one season won't overwhelm our joy at the beginning a new season. I know many have already been praying for us and many have blessed us in many ways- with prayers, with time, with service, with provision. We thank you all from the depths of our hearts. God has truly given us some of the most awesome people in our lives. Its times like these that you really see what is in the heart of your brothers and sisters. And we have seen wonderful things. We thank you. I plan to give a full report next week if I am not in a puddle on the ground Monday morning... :^) God bless you all. Kayla

Our Awesome TODAY God!

This is adapted from an excerpt from Beth Moore's "Believing God". I turned it into a prayer and added some to it.

"Father, You are the God of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph, Joshua, David, Daniel, John the Baptist, Peter, James, John and Paul- and You are mine and my family's God. You are the same yesterday, today and forever. A God so holy, powerful and present that when You revealed yourself to Ezekiel, Daniel, Isaiah and John, they fell before You like dead men. (Daniel had to be revived and lay as sick for days afterwards, his body was so overwhelmed by Your powerful presence. You are truly awesome and frightening!) You are the magnificent One, full of splendor, beautiful beyond comprehension. You are The I Am That I AM through every generation (that means THIS ONE too!). Whoever You were, You still are! Whoever You were to these 'heroes' of the Bible, You are to me, to us! Help us to believe. Forgive our unbelief and increase our faith. Increase our knowledge of You. Help us to start taking You up on Your 'Godness'. When we have no idea what to believe You for in any given situation, may we believe You to be huge! Come Holy God and be Yourself! In our lives and in our circumstances. Come be God! Thank You for being our powerful God, yet for loving us so tenderly and personally. In Jesus name, Amen."

Bearing The Bearable...

Ever felt like you've been a target of the 'accuser of the brethren'? I have felt like I've had a big red target on my back today and the accuser has had me in his rifle's scope.

Usually if there's a question of blame, even if I was a million miles away from the incident, I will feel a twinge of guilt. If a policeman pulls up behind me in traffic, even if I'm below the speed limit, I start to get nervous and to feel guilty. So the enemy knows how to get me. As a child, I was very mischievous and mouthy and curious... I got into trouble a lot. I was often 'to blame'. But also, almost as often, I was innocent, but still blamed. Unfortunately, it became a pattern in my life to be the scapegoat. As an adult I've found that I still tend to carry that with me. I am hyper-sensitive to blame. Even in normal relational arguments that are bound to come, if blame is ever leveled at me (even if deserved), I usually cannot handle it. But God has been healing me of this and working in my heart... I'm not there yet but I am seeing improvement.

Today I was blamed for something that I was innocent of. Just to be able to say those words- "I was innocent" is a breakthrough for me. Where some people can never be wrong, (even when they are obviously so), I'm just the opposite. I almost jump up and volunteer to take the blame! But not today! God helped me. A relative got offended with me. She didn't "believe the best" of me as 1 Corinthians 13 says love does. This has been an unfortunate mainstay in my life. Not having people believe the best about me is a familiar event. I seem to invite it somehow. Not intentionally. I believe when there's a stronghold, there must be some sort of a spiritual flag we wave that invites further wounds and proofs of the lies built within. For example- a person who struggles with rejection seems to invite it and find themselves in situations of rejection... I feel that way with the accuser of the brethren. He knows my name. He has my address. He is my frequent unwanted guest. But today when he came knocking, he got a door slammed in his face. Today I did not take the blame. Today, my conscience was clear as I calmly explained the situation to my accuser (we battle not against flesh and blood and I know who was behind my relative's accusations). My explanation was rejected. She was not seeking understanding. She was seeking to blame and accuse because of her own wounded heart. Ever notice how wounded people will often project an old emotion on a new unrelated situation and form a false conclusion?  But today she was seeking to lay blame on me. But I did not bite the bait. Not today. Thankfully I was coming out of my quiet time in the presence of God when she called. He kept me focused and my words gracious yet uncompromising. I am thankful. I was not manipulated. Praise God.

Sometimes you don't know that God has done something in your life until you face a situation and you surprise yourself. I know that this battle isn't over. The battle isn't with a person, it is with the enemy of my soul. I love my relative and God gave me compassion. This one is very important to me. It grieves me to be misunderstood by her, but I also know that sometimes life isn't fair and we are blamed unjustly. Sometimes, you can have pure intentions and a clean heart and still be blamed. And sometimes there's not one thing you can do about it.

But here is where I'm learning to trust: To present my heart to God and to let Him take care of me and the situation. To not take matters in my own hands. To not try to 'fix' something that I did not cause. To not try to take the blame in order to get man's approval. To not let my past shame make me susceptible to manipulation and blame.

For the first time in my life I can honestly say- I am being blamed for something, yet my conscience is clear. I pray for the relative to have illumination and to let God deal with her heart. I love her dearly, but I will not take on what is not mine to carry. I have done that my entire life. God is teaching me to give it to Him.

One of my favorite verses:
Matt. 11:28 "Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.

The cloak of shame/blame is heavy. It's like a lead vest put on us by the accuser of our souls. But thank God, we are not meant to wear it. We take on so much that's not ours to take on, I'm seeing that in so many areas of my life and relationships. We do have our own responsibility, but how much or our burnout and stress is caused by taking on burdens not meant for us to bear? Or for still carrying shame that's already under the blood? There's a grace to bear what IS ours to bear. Jesus promises that His burden is not unbearable. Accusation, shame, blame, sin- these are unbearable.

Let's ask God to show us what we are meant to bear and let us NOT bear what isn't meant for us. For people pleasers like me it may mean saying, "no" or learning to confront, or not bearing the blame of something that isn't mine to bear. Our yoke is a custom fit. Yours will be different from mine, but whatever it is, it will be bearable, and we'll share the burden with the One who loves us more tenderly than the most loving human we know. He really can be trusted folks. "Oh taste and see that the Lord IS good!"

God bless. Kayla

My Random Ramblings....

Happy Mother's Day!
Just wanted to wish all of the Moms out there a Happy Mother's Day. Also, I am sorry I've not posted anything in a long time. It's a very busy season in our lives with Haley's impending wedding... So I probably won't be doing a lot of blogging until after July. However, stay tuned and I might surprise ya'll (and myself)...

But while I'm here- a quick update... I've been doing a Beth Moore Bible Study every Thursday morning called "Believing God" which is seriously changing my life. I didn't realize how little I believed. It's not a condemning revelation but an encouragment. I am beginning to believe God for things I never have dared to before. It's exciting and kind of scary!

We just returned from our hometown for Keith's mom's birthday and also for Mother's Day. We left there this morning so part of the day could be spent here in Baton Rouge at our home... It was overall a nice visit, but I felt emotional. Have been fighting the tears all weekend long and I'm not sure why. Probably a combination of: realizing this is my last Mother's Day with Haley, feeling sorry for myself having to spend most of Mother's Day on the road (yeah, I know, I'm a big baby), hormones, watching "Father of The Bride" (dumb move when you're hormonal and sentimental), trying to lose weight to fit into my mother-of-the-bride dress but really craving cake, and just feeling hit with all of the changes life brings and wanting things to stay the same. Sigh.

About that- Keith's parents just moved into a brand new house they built in a new subdivision. They've only been in it a few short weeks. There's only two houses inhabited in the subdivision right now and lots of construction and empty dirt lots. But their charming little house sits in the middle of the vacant construction site on an island of green with blooming landscaping. For as long as I can remember, they have lived in the same white house on the outskirts of our hometown, on a tree covered hill. The house was built over 30 years ago, so it's a bit dated and not with the most fluid floor plan (houses of that era were very compartmentalized; not open and airy like houses are built today). But it's been really hard for us to accept their move to town. I'm a country girl so I just can't understand why anyone would choose to leave the homey, privacy of a tree covered hill for an impersonal subdivision. But I think our reservations run deeper. Perhaps our unreasonably strong feelings are because of Keith's years in the Navy. There was something special about leaving a foreign duty station and heading to that particular rural address that represented to us that four letter word "home". We moved every three years. We knew when we arrived at a new duty station to hold everything loosely- don't get too attached or put your roots down too deep. Despite this, we made some lasting friendships and got plugged into some incredible churches during each short three year duty station. But we always knew at each place, that our time was short. Not everyone understands this lifestyle, but it was normal for us and our children for 20 years. It probably has a lot to do with why we are so close as a family. I'm thankful for it and wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. But despite the many blessings of this life we led, I'm now realizing that we lacked something that most people take for granted- a permanent geographical location called... "home". We made the most of it and home became where we were, but when people asked- "where's home for you?" We never hesitated to point to that white house on Farmerville Highway as the place where we belonged.... When I first heard they were thinking of moving, something like panic hit me. I thought- what are they thinking? They can't do this to us! Selfish- I know.

Now that Keith is retired, we live only four hours away from our old hometown. Keith's parents and siblings live there and so does my Dad and stepmom. Keith has many great memories of our hometown. I don't have as many. It was, for me. during my regret-filled younger years, the geographical location of where I experienced my deepest wounds, worst bondages and furthermost strayings. God's done a lot in me, but often, this place has been a painful reminder of what was, and yet also a gratitude-filled reminder of what IS. (praise God!) Yet despite my frequent lack of warm fuzzies about our hometown, it's more often than not, the place we run to. I was actually surprised at my strong negative reaction to their moving from the white house. Why should I care? But I reasoned- Where would the kids play? It was grandchild paradise, with trees to climb, forts to build, and woods to explore... There were so many good memories of our children there. They too, had called it "home". What would they do now? But it's done. The white house is still in the family and it's been beautifully remodeled... but it's not home anymore. Plus our kids are getting older and are now more interested in Xbox than treehouses. So I suppose it makes some sort of sense. And the new house is beautiful- open and tastefully decorated. It sits on a small lot- no woods to explore or trees to climb, the house is smaller than the white house, yet it is laid out well so it doesn't seem crowded... But it is very nice. And most important- Grandmom and Grandad are there. They are so happy and proud of it. They are getting older and didn't want to have to keep up the older house and huge yard. I do understand that. We come only a few times a year and they live there every day. So they ought to know more than me, where they are better off living. But I admit, it just seems weird... However, life moves on. I guess I'm just not one of those who handles it's changes that well. But in this unstable life, it's just been nice while it lasted, to have had that one little place on earth where time seemed to stand still. But it'd be selfish for me to want sameness for my own temporal security, sentimentality and comfort and to deny them this joy. I guess I'll sort it out and move on as I always do. But bottom line- this leads me back to my Bible study on faith- where does my security lie? In a white house on a hill and all it represents? Does my security lie in people who change, leave or die? Or does it lie in my immoveable God who never changes or leaves? He is truly that one secure unchanging place to run to. There is no other.

I guess maybe normally it wouldn't be such a big deal except that so much in my life is about to change and I'm desperately clinging to all sense of sameness- My firstborn is about to leave our nest forever when she gets married in about 8 weeks. She can't wait and I completely understand this. It's right and the way life progresses. Seems like yesterday that I remember her crying in her room, worried that in so many years she'd be twenty and she never wanted to grow up. :^) Life comes at you fast, doesn't it? My sister keeps telling me 'Kayla, it hasn't hit you yet that she's getting married." She's right. Maybe these little emotional bursts I am having are like a smoldering volcano letting off little spurts of steam to relieve the pressure before it blows. Heavens I hope not! I don't want to blow! Especially during the wedding! (I can see you all at the wedding, staring at me worriedly whispering- Is she about to blow? Should we clear the church exits? :^) Heaven knows, this is taking enough planning and finances... I don't want to wig out on her special day (pray that I don't, please!!!!!!!!) I have no clue how I'll handle the big reveal... When I finally "get it" that... Haley's not here anymore... Stay tuned. Your guess is as good as mine when it will hit me and how I'll handle it! Keep me in prayer. I've never had to deal with this sort of thing before.... So I have no blueprint to follow. But I know change is part of the circle of life. I have got to stop desiring the wheel to halt and stay at a certain place. That's not normal or healthy. I have to afford her the same pleasure that I was given when I left home, became a wife, a mother, and an adult (still working on that last one).To deny her these joys would be wrong... and selfish. Hmmm. There that word is again! Selfish... There's more to this that I need to explore.

Okay, so this ended up not being the quick update I envisioned afterall! I guess I needed to vent. Perhaps this will help some of the steam escape and keep this volcano 'dormant' and not 'active'. Whatever works!

If anybody still checks this thing, I'm sure you were tired of seeing Oprah's blurry face from my last blog....Hope this helped wipe that image from your mind.

I'm not sure when I'll blog again... but since this was so "therapetic" (to quote Barney Fife) I may do this again soon.... Anyway, once more- Happy Mother's Day and let me hear from you... God bless. And thanks for listening! Kayla

Unmoveable

We're leaving in a couple of hours to go to our hometown to celebrate Keith's parents 50th wedding anniversary. This year, they made 50, we'll make 25 and Haley and Josh will get married. Kind of neat how it worked out that way...

I've been praying a certain way lately and I wanted to jot these things down before I go out of town this weekend...

What is the heart of the matter? So often I struggle with things... circumstances, people... and I feel the Lord is asking me... what is the true nature of my struggle? Is it really the person? Is it really the circumstance? Yes, people disappoint and circumstances may hit us square in the face and be truly tragic but I think what the Lord is getting at with me is, what is my response? A lot of times, the anger,the doubt, the fear or the frustration that rises up in me point to deeper issues in my heart. Like- do I really trust Him? Do I really believe that His ways are higher and better? Do I really beleive that He loves me? I am realizing that although the Lord does hear our cries for help and He delights in rescuing us from situations, He still is most interested in our heart... I beleive that's why He allows difficult situations in our lives... So often we think- if only this situation would resolve itself or this person would act right I'd be happy... Would we really? It's time to quit blaming and to start examining our own hearts where the real problem lies...

I've seen so much tragedy lately and I think- Lord, keep our eyes on eternity, on Your Kingdom and purpose and glory. May we live for eternity and not for the moment. I want to be rooted and grounded, trusting in Him... so no matter what comes my way, I won't be tossed to and fro by circumstances and people's opinions.. I don't want to be up one day and down another... I want to be unmoveable, steady, grounded, settled... in Him.

Jeremiah 17
5 This is what the LORD says: Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength and whose heart turns away from the LORD.
6 He will be like a bush in the wastelands; he will not see prosperity when it comes. He will dwell in the parched places of the desert, in a salt land where no one lives.
7 "But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him.
8 He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit."

Matthew 13 says:
18"Listen then to what the parable of the sower means:....22The one who received the seed that fell among the thorns is the man who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke it, making it unfruitful. 23But the one who received the seed that fell on good soil is the man who hears the word and understands it. (faith) He produces a crop, yielding a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown."

Ephesians 3 says
14For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15from whom his whole family[a] in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

That's all for now. Ya'll have a blessed weekend. Kayla